I'm writing today out of desperation. My life has become completely unmanageable & I'm so lost & feeling alone and scared. I'm a single mother of two teenage daughters & I'm hopelessly addicted to pain killers. I can't even function or get through a day anymore without medicine. I'm terrified to even send this email. I just don't know what to do anymore! I'm spending money I don't have on getting more medicine every week. I'm borrowing money from my parents & I'm so ashamed of myself. Nobody knows, I've kept it a secret & hidden it pretty well...but it's getting so out of control, I don't know how much longer I can do this. I DON'T WANT to do this anymore! I don't even know who I am anymore! I'm not this person! I have always been raised in the church& I've always been a Christian; but I have not had a real relationship with God in so long because my guilt gets in the way of being close to Him. I know He is the only way I can heal & overcome this, but I feel so far away from Him. I don't even know if He wants me anymore. I've cried out to Him repeatedly for help, & yet I keep doing it! I can't do this on my own, I've tried so many times. I can't bear the shame & guilt. I don't want my girls, or my parents, or my friends or my job to know just how bad I have become. I'm on the State's insurance, so I don't have good coverage for a decent detox center. I'm afraid to go without medicine because I get very sick with sweats, vomiting, shakes, diarrhea. Please pray for me!